I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
