its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
