So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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