I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Randomize