I can tuck mytits in my pants
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
