I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
