I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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