I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
