i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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