ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize