First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
