I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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