I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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