guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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