I'm really into asian looking animals
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
