remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
