why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He passed out mid-signature
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Found your dick twin last night
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
