how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
