Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
