3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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