My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
