Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
