The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
