I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
