WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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