I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
