I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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