Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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