***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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