dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
