So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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