I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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