Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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