I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
