im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
