what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
