he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
