If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
