it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
worst night to have a conscience
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
