we have pet lesbian snakes
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize