Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
