I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
