Duck Duck Cougar?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she smelled like a LAN party
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
