I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
