That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I know her cup size but not her name....
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
