I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Two words: blizzard sex
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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