His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Randomize
