oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
