You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
