Don't you send me to vm
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
it was like eating out sand paper
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize