And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's blow job season.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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