I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
