So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
