you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
