I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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