I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We got so high we made milksteak
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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