So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
