can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
