Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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