u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
