Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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