I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
