I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
