At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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