I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
