yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
