apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
