did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
bring money and cleavage
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
