this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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